guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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