come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My breath smells like gin and sadness
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
