theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
