Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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