I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
