I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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