i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
my poor anus
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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