just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
