can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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