please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
