3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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