I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
