Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
