The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
