it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
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Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
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My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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