She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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