I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.