What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall