I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.