i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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