omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am