capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
