i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
