half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
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Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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