handjob tips. give me some.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
