I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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