Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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