She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
