i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
