She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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