I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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