I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
