she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You smell like stripper and shame
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
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She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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