Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
