i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
