Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
