Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
