just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
