Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
