Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
sex in a hospital.. check
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
