he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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