Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
