I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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