so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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