im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
