Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
