it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
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I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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