Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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