Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
