she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
