I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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