Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
