I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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