You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
