Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
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Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize