Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
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You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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