Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
