Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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