so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
