Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
