If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
