i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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