drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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