i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
