The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
im on a boat
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