You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
