i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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