I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
