dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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