...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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