This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
