Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
