i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
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I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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