No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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