I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
